hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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