I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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