I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
