So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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