You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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