We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
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she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
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Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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