in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
