I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
