if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
