Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
