and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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