Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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