You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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