yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
