office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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