Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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