you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i think i just lost a toe
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
