so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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