Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
