SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
