Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
