Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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