I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
