hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
