you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
