Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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