I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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