and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
