She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
