I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
