dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I could make wine with my vomit
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
