Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
