i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
