i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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