I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
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Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
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Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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