i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You smell like stripper and shame
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am mentally ready for anal.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
