Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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