South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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