Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
