sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
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I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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