Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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