i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
