I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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