I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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