Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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