i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
then he tried to convert me to islam
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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