I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
