ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
