he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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