Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
