i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
