Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
