so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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