My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
