you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
