i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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