y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
