By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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