im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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