he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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