im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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