This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
