So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
