btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
