STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
