the condom got lost in my hair
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
