Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
