i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
