it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
