he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
