I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
