you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize