the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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