I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
