why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
