i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
