she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
