You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
