Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
