allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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