I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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