I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
