he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
