guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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