All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
