Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
