i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
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I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
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But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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