I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
