PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
