I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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